back to reality.

i hadn't been home in a while and i was so looking forward to family time, catching up with friends, bon fires, bike rides, and the beach. my trip turned out to be so much more than that. the highs were high but there were some pretty harsh moments. i have a group of 4 "best friends" from home that i have been friends with for as long as i can remember. in the six short days i was there, i went shopping for one of their wedding dress, spent the night on the beach with two of them, and listened while the other one told me she is gay. like i said, ups and downs. these are my girls, we have all changed so much. when did this all happen? how did we get here? yesterday, my flight got delayed 6 hours. after spending about 14 hours between the airport and airplane, i had replayed the entire trip in my head a dozen times. yet, i'm still reeling. after work today i sat down to listen to the orbits podcast. while i still have a billion questions about how we all got here, i learned a few things about my own story. my birthday is on friday and i have over the course of the past week mentioned more than once that i thought i would have accomplished much more at this point in life. there were three elements of the discussion that helped me process how i got here and determine where i'm going.

1) success and failure. discontentment with "how much i haven't accomplished thus far" is a mirage that will keep me in a state of discontentment forever. my past is littered with a series of failures. i stumbled through a season of my life and made quite the mess along the way. in the same way darin could be "grateful" for the dissolution of his parents marriage, i am thankful for my failures. if i could go back and not fail, that'd be awesome. but i can't. i also can't imaging taking the next steps of life without the lessons God taught me through my failures. success has been learning from my mistakes, knowing that God is God, and submitting to His best.

God can redeem it ALL.

2) image building. mine was the story of the snowball. "i'll alter this story or this part of who i am to make me more appealing, no big deal." one thing led to another... my biggest failures in life stemmed from image building. learning that Christ has defined who i am and my worth lies in Him has changed my life RADICALLY. seems elementary to the christian faith, but was a truth that became reality to me relatively recently.

it's not about what i've done, it's about who i am becoming.

3) relationships. relationships are everything. my relationship with God, my family, my friends-these have shaped me into becoming me. in the midst of the mess i had made i discovered i was loved by a God, was blessed with a family, and had made friends who created a place for authenticity. it was the beginning of new things for me. these people had seen me live my "story" but saw me for much more than a story. they had earned the authority to speak into my life and break down walls that had encamped the parts of me i didn't want anyone to know.

which brings me to circles. relationships are everything. i know that God will use your story to teach me how to love limitlessly, how to trust that God is God, how have joy and peace when it is all spiraling out of control around us, how to be committed to the body of Christ in a way that allows for sincerity and authenticity that leads to true community. i'm committed to you all. i look forward to learning from you!