Wednesday, January 26, 2011

back to reality.

i hadn't been home in a while and i was so looking forward to family time, catching up with friends, bon fires, bike rides, and the beach. my trip turned out to be so much more than that. the highs were high but there were some pretty harsh moments. i have a group of 4 "best friends" from home that i have been friends with for as long as i can remember. in the six short days i was there, i went shopping for one of their wedding dress, spent the night on the beach with two of them, and listened while the other one told me she is gay. like i said, ups and downs. these are my girls, we have all changed so much. when did this all happen? how did we get here? yesterday, my flight got delayed 6 hours. after spending about 14 hours between the airport and airplane, i had replayed the entire trip in my head a dozen times. yet, i'm still reeling. after work today i sat down to listen to the orbits podcast. while i still have a billion questions about how we all got here, i learned a few things about my own story. my birthday is on friday and i have over the course of the past week mentioned more than once that i thought i would have accomplished much more at this point in life. there were three elements of the discussion that helped me process how i got here and determine where i'm going.

1) success and failure. discontentment with "how much i haven't accomplished thus far" is a mirage that will keep me in a state of discontentment forever. my past is littered with a series of failures. i stumbled through a season of my life and made quite the mess along the way. in the same way darin could be "grateful" for the dissolution of his parents marriage, i am thankful for my failures. if i could go back and not fail, that'd be awesome. but i can't. i also can't imaging taking the next steps of life without the lessons God taught me through my failures. success has been learning from my mistakes, knowing that God is God, and submitting to His best.
God can redeem it ALL.

2) image building. mine was the story of the snowball. "i'll alter this story or this part of who i am to make me more appealing, no big deal." one thing led to another... my biggest failures in life stemmed from image building. learning that Christ has defined who i am and my worth lies in Him has changed my life RADICALLY. seems elementary to the christian faith, but was a truth that became reality to me relatively recently.
it's not about what i've done, it's about who i am becoming.

3) relationships. relationships are everything. my relationship with God, my family, my friends-these have shaped me into becoming me. in the midst of the mess i had made i discovered i was loved by a God, was blessed with a family, and had made friends who created a place for authenticity. it was the beginning of new things for me. these people had seen me live my "story" but saw me for much more than a story. they had earned the authority to speak into my life and break down walls that had encamped the parts of me i didn't want anyone to know.

which brings me to circles. relationships are everything. i know that God will use your story to teach me how to love limitlessly, how to trust that God is God, how have joy and peace when it is all spiraling out of control around us, how to be committed to the body of Christ in a way that allows for sincerity and authenticity that leads to true community. i'm committed to you all. i look forward to learning from you!


  1. "Its' not about what I've's about who I'm becoming". I love this!! It can be very crippling to think about our lives based on our past. Thats not what we are meant to do. Yes we should learn from our mistakes. But our hope is that we have a future in Christ. Regardless of where we've been and where we are's up to us and allowing God's Spirit to guide us to determine where we go from here. The opportunities are endless if we just let Him use us!!!

  2. I am excited to be able to tell you my story, and hopefully in one way or another something that I have done will impact you. CIRCLES relationships are gonna be dope!

    ps. Great meeting you finally at Junto!

  3. Sounds like you had a tough week.

    God is working in your life because the devil is trying very hard to derail you. I am excited to hear what comes from your visit with your friends and family.

  4. Sometimes when I watch movies and an actor looks remotely my age I look it up on IMDB. I hate it when they're my age. I always think, "Why am I not rich and famous right now?" It's not just with movies either. When I see young entrepreneurs, or CEOs or anyone really who is my age and has been wildly successful.

    You're right, it is easy to look back on life and to think, "How is it possible that I haven't done this or that." But as you look back, it sounds like you're also seeing the places where you've been totally surprised. What was never part of your plan? Where did God take you left when you were prepared to go right?

  5. I love this blog and I feel we can relate on a lot of what you said. Can't wait to get to know you better!

  6. I love this. Thank you for sharing so much. You are inspiring.

  7. I've had several "Back to reality" episodes always gets me thinking about what I just experienced and what I am going back to. Sometimes these are the hardest moments for me. Glad you are here and part of CIRCLES. It was great to meet you and I look forward to seeing you soon.

  8. thanks for sharing. :) and great insight.