Thursday, February 17, 2011

first of all, thank you guys soooo much for praying for me. i’m feeling MUCH better. with the exception of a small cough, i’m pretty much 100% better. 
being sick has changed a lot of things for me. i lost my job because i was out of work for too long. i was originally working full time at a salon during the day and going to school at paul mitchell at night. post being sick, i am unemployed and granted my financial aid goes through, i’ll be switching to school full time during the day. in the mean time while my financial aid processes, i am doing nothing. literally, i have nothing to do. i’ve been looking for part time jobs at night but with such limited availability, that too has been a challenge. 
this isn’t what i planned on. 
i’m a runner. when things don’t go as planned, i usually just bail and make a new plan. that isn’t something i readily admit about myself but, its true. based on my past experience, now would be the time for me to change my circumstances. sometimes i move geographical locations, change my job, change my haircolor, dump my boyfriend, i make some drastic change that will hopefully make me feel better. changing these things distracts me from what is going on but usually has no lasting effect in making me feel better. 
rewind, when i moved to santa barbara from hawaii in 2005 i started a whole new life. with the freedom of starting a new life came the opportunity to make lots of choices. i got myself into a lot of trouble. i made some huge mistakes. mistakes that will have consequences for a long time. my past is something that has contributed to my tendency to change my circumstances when things don’t go as planned. i’m constantly on the run, sometimes physically, but almost always emotionally and consequentially. my past is something i feel i am always fighting.
being sick knocked me on my butt and left me with nothing but me and God. i avoided Him. partially because i felt like crap and partially because i know that He has a lot of hard work to do in me. it wasn’t until the third week of being sick that i actually spent intentional time waiting to hear from the Lord. i’m a work in progress. He had lots cleaning house to do but mostly i heard Him say that He loves me. 
yesterday i partook in third wednesday. prayer and fasting is powerful. i know that when you set aside intentional time to meet with God, He will ALWAYS show up. when i seek Him, He is always readily found. for the first time in a long time i don’t feel like i am running from anything. my past is what it is, my past. God is healing me. He is doing a new thing. i still don’t fully understand why i am in orange county or what He is doing with me here but i’m going with it and trusting that God has a bigger picture in mind and He loves me. 

thank you guys for being part of this journey of healing.

16 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing and being so honest. This is so encouraging to hear how God is finally getting His hold on you! I look forward to hearing more about how He is working in you =)

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  2. I agree with Jenny, I'm also looking forward to hearing more about how He is working in you. I think your sickness, and thus extra time by yourself, was a huge God moment.
    Love your honesty and hearing your heart.

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  3. Dannah, it's just so awesome how you are moving forward with God. Victory lies ahead...no matter what.

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  4. And now the hard work begins. No time like the present. And you have a "circle" around you that can carry some of that burden with you. Not a bad time to get started.

    And, let me tell you, I know what it means to distract yourself to keep from dealing with stuff. I JUST finished writing about that same thing!

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  5. His plan will be made clear to you in one way or another. He always works it out =) and like Nick said...we are here for you along the way! Hang in there, keep growing closer to him, and don't be a runner for once. Something that has always kinda helped me in difficult times is this. I tell myself, "Unless God opens a door or makes it clear to me that I am supposed to move from my current situation...than he must have a reason for me staying where I am at. He will nudge me when the time is right for change".

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  6. Dannah! i am so glad you are feeling better. :)

    thank you for being honest about your tendency to just run, i find myself doing the same a lot of the time so i can relate. it is so cool that God was able to use you being sick to your advantage and His glory. sometimes we needs something to bring us to a stand still so that He can do His best work in us.

    continue to seek Him and He will show you what His plan is. :)

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  7. so glad you are feeling better! even more glad to see this new chapter opening up for you. :)

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  8. Third Wednesday was freakin' dope this week. I'm glad God totally rocked you! We don't want you to have to feel like you need to run and we are here for you to share in what God is bringing for you in your life :)

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  9. Craziness! Excited to see how God moves & its okay to run hunny, as long as it is into His arms :) The way you trust in His faithfulness is beautiful.

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  10. I will pray for continued healing. Its amazing how God can restore us :)

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  11. Thank you so much for being so honest with us. I can relate so much to this. I have had a really difficult time dealing with my past as well. I tend to reflect so much on my past that I loose sight of what God has in store for my life. I will be praying for you as you are on this journey. If you ever just want to talk, I would love to grab coffee!

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  12. I am so glad that you aren't running and are going to stick around. God has great plans for you and I can't wait to see how He is going to work in you. It was great seeing you today! You have a great smile and I love your laugh! Have a great week!

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  13. its such a great thing to see you coming to terms with the fact that the past is the past! it's gone :) it doesnt exist.... paul says in Phillipians "forgetting the past i press onward to obtain the prize..." so sick huh? as a person with a rough past myself, it was such a great victory to just leave it. and switch my mindset to "how can i glorify God right now."
    the Lord is going to honor your faithfulness in this time of uncertainty f'sho :)

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  14. Dannah! I have loved geting to know you the last few days. Thanks for being so open and sharing what has been going on. God is going to bless you not running and being still in Him. I am excited to see how God continues to work through you! :)

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  15. oh dannah. i really related to this. especially the part about not knowing what God wants for me in orange county, but just trusting that it is indeed something good.

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  16. I'm a "runner" too...so I get this completely :-) I love to hear that God has helped you put and end to that for right now...and that He's provided his community to help you as the hard work happens! Praying for you!

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